DOOM PATROL

 D^O_OM
PATROL

Well, the day of Judgment has arrived, and Wastrel didn't score too high.
We got word back from the Gold Coast City Council today, and it's no dice.

I'll quote part of the letter:

The Committee has received three applications for arts magazine projects this round. It is suggested that the three applicants meet to discuss the possibility of developing a partnership to present one combined application.

Well, well, it looks like some pig-fuckers cottoned on to our idea and got their filthy shit-stained applications in on top of ours. Well, fuck them in their crusty, unlubricated arses (not asses). The bandwagon looked pretty cosy didn't it, you unoriginal pieces of shit?

Actually, a partnership might not be so bad, but this Wastrel truly doubts that these other non-coms can keep up with the hectic pace that the staff at Wastre keep. Can they hit their deadlines while downing scotch after scotch?
Can they touch-type with a cigarette in one hand?!
Can they submit to an editorial decision after losing at scissor-paper-rock?!?

Bah! I think not!

Anyway, enough chit-chat. I have scotch to drink and scams to scheme, and Wastrel has an entire digital realm to overtake, now that the print world is out-of-bounds for a short while.

Oh, and don't worry, we'll keep you posted on who exactly it was that stole our funds, as the details will be uploaded to the councils website "shortly." That's right, prime your petrol bombs, we'll know soon enough who to strike... *Cue Insane Laughter*

Note: The Cultural Development Coordinator is actually a pretty cool guy. He's obviously a creative type, but he's stuck in a beauracratic hell-hole... and his signature kinda looks like a graffiti 'tag.'



"All I want is the answer to one simple question before I run screaming back to the bughouse.
Is this real or isn't it?"

Shave for a Cure to Apathy

My brother in-law works as a nurse in a couple of different mental hospitals in the greater Brisbane area. This in itself is of little interest as he speaks of his patients as though they were objects, discarded and worthless.

Did I mention these facilities were for the 'criminally insane'? Or at least, criminally faking because the institution is better than insti-prison. Now, is it just me, or does that sound like it could be an infinitely interesting place to be? Anyway, he's a small-minded jerk, that was the point of my tangent.

Usually I'm subjected to tales of how these people are crazy and no-longer human and all that, when one day he actually tells me something interesting - well, not me directly, but I'm in the conversation.
He said that, just before one of the patients - I don't know - flips out, freaks out, takes a turn for the worse, loses it, or just completely changes their personality, they shave their head.

If a patient shaves their head, the nurses either up their meds, watch them more closely, or both, because they know something big is about to happen, whether that be a violent spat, or a shift from being Jesus to being Chuck Norris. Which is interesting, these people are unstable, free from ties to, and judgement from, society in general. These people are free to change fiction-suits, explore new personalities and possibilities at whim, not even because they're crazy or they need to, but because they can.

So, are you bored? Angry? Depressed? Indifferent?

Get a perspective shift, shave your head, or do something else drastic to your hair. Or do it slowly, pace the change and study it, cutting your hair a couple of inches at a time and allow your mind to be slowly awakened.

Don't get me wrong, there's more to a shift in consciousness than a trip to the hairdressers, but as you feel yourself expanding beyond the limits of 'self', a change as simple and shallow as a haircut can greatly affect your own innerview.

And while you’re at it, read Philip K Dick’s Valis, and ask yourself what it means if that whole book were true.

Times For Your New Life Of Crime and Comedy God

WORKBLOG(ish)!
YAAAAAAAAY!

----Begin:BlackNoise----

When the (r) evolution comes you will need to know things, my dears.
Things that are...naughty.

Like How to Pick Locks  (naughty)
Like How to Hack Your Hotel (naughty)
Like How to Bend The Elevator to Your Will (naughty)
Like How to Make Love to a Dolphin (naughty)
Like How to Make A Delicious Snack (not so naughty)

Also, this Just In: Posh Spice Don't Read Like That
To conclude, a Unicorn

Just Kidding.

----end/blacknoise01----

Ninjas on Dragon-Back to Assault US Embassy

A photo of two peculiar dragon-shaped objects taken from a plane flying over Tibet’s Himalayas piqued many users’ interest when displayed on a Chinese website. The photographer is an amateur.





But for me the most interesting part of the article is this:

In the previous dynasties in China, there had been many documents recording eyewitness accounts of magical dragons. The most amazing events are the various “falling dragons,” dragons that suddenly fell to the ground under peculiar circumstances, and were witnessed by many. A relatively recent tale occurred in the puppet Manchuria regime in August, 1944. A black dragon fell to the ground at the Chen Family’s Weizi Village, about 9.4 miles northwest of Zhaoyuan County, on the south shore of the Mudan River (the old name of a section of Songhua River) in Heilongjiang province. The black dragon was on the verge of death. The eyewitness said that this creature had a horn on its head, scales covering its body, and had a strong fishy smell that attracted numerous flies…

This just speaks to me of the UFO crash landings that either did or did not happen in the US in the late 1940s. Because think of it this way, if American rednecks are likely to see some otherworldly creature or machine (or perhaps 4-dimensional cross section of time-space, refer to The Invisibles) as a flying saucer, then what are Chinese farmers likely to see instead? A Black Dragon. It's all about cultural history and what we're able to see; also refer to the film What the Bleep do we Know for more.

The journalist (?) finishes the article with this nice piece of news:

The records from previous dynasties also mentioned the connection between the emergence of these kinds of mysterious creatures, “dragons,” and the transition of dynasties on earth.

Well if so, the dragons are about 7 years early, but you won't hear me complaining. RAGNAROK AHOY!

News from the Week Long Hangover

* Nazi Pope “Down” for Caricature

When asked for comment on the revamped design of his personal crest Pope Ratzinger said, “Shit, bitch, I ain’t disrespectin’- I got nothin’ but love for my dawgs.” When pressed for further comment Ratzinger just scoffed and muttered, “Fuck dat. We out.”

''It's not good," says Holy Cross professor of religious studies Matthew Schmalz.

http://www.boston.com/news/globe/living/articles/2005/08/04/the_pope_and_a_puzzling_african_king/

Picture and Link from the most excellent Theory Of Everything radio show/website. Check it out at http://www.toeradio.org/

* PUZAHKI BLOG

Infospooge on the Intrawebs! Double Plus Good!
http://www.puzahki.blogspot.com

* Enola? Gay. (sorry)

U.S. suppressed footage of Hiroshima for decades
http://www.leadingthecharge.com/stories/news-0054512.html

Hitler = Sphincter, A Story

“So I fucked Hitler. Yeah, you heard me. I fucked Hitler, right in the arse.

You should have seen his puckered anus, that perfect Aryan starfish, a marvel of pure breeding, complete with its own shit-stained moustache…  

But that's not why I called you all here. The truth is that on the same day I discovered Time Travel I also decided to use the power of Parallel Dimensions to go and fuck every villain in human history.
From Pol Pot to Ming the Merciless, I vowed to have my way with them all.

So, yeah.

Yeah, I fucked Hitler.

I pounded Genghis Khan, slammed Stalin, ruined Judas, mauled Mussolini. Reamed them all.  

I've penetrated my way through distant worlds and, yet, a single challenge still remains, taunting me.

That's why you're here. I need your help. My slave trading cousins will be back soon, and I've run out of options. Fingers, you be the eyes. And Eyes, you be the legs. Okay. Gather around me everyone. This is it. We need to be team. A family. Everybody, put in your hands. Except for you, Hands. You put in your feet. Ok. 

Now, when they come in they’ll be so distracted by this big pile of limbs that they'll forget about the 300 Quoologs we owe them. Shut it Lips, it's mostly your fault anyway! Fingers, stop touching Sphincter. What's that Fingers? What's that you're pointing at? Is that?
Good lord! * Choke *
You're right!
 I'd recognise that shit stained mo' anywhere!
C'mon Dicks! Let's fuck some Nazi arse!”